Reply To: Volume control and over enthusiastic audiences

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From: “Michael J Bennett”
Date: Sat, 11 Nov 2017 13:59:02 -0600

When my daughter was little and got scared at night, I would convince her that a piece of lumber, like a 6 inch block from a 2×4, was the greatest monster deterrent ever. Any creature who saw such a thing would exclaim “The little girl who lives here can do *that* to a tree? I’m outta here.” Later, when vampires became worrisome, a jar of garlic salt from the dollar store was added to the arsenal.

With the shoes, point the toes of the left shoe to the north and point the right shoe south. Any creature or ghost sees the shoes, doesn’t know which way to follow, and doesn’t know what to think. Descartes said I think therefore I am. If the creature doesn’t know what to think, poof! it disappears with a little pop.

I once told a story to a young friend and didn’t find out until much later that it had really bothered him ever since. Part of being on the autism spectrum. So, I retold the story with an emphasis on how the Army Corps of Engineers when in with tanks and microscopes and ground-penetrating radar, and could never find so much as a trace. No DNA evidence, nothing. They determined that the guy who told the story had eaten a bad batch of chili con carne and the entire event had been a nightmare. The point was, to give him peace of mind, the monster had to be obliterated.

He’s currently raking my front yard. Good kid.

Michael J Bennett

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